Saturday, April 27, 2013

Leaving Iowa and the Memories...

I have decided that I want to move out of Iowa this summer. I really want to move to California.

I am moving there for me.

I know when I try to explain this to people, they won't understand.

As soon as they hear, California, they will think...Jacob. "Are you guys back together?" "Are you moving there to be with him?" I can already hear the questions they will be asking.

This makes me sad...

I am tired of living in Iowa. There are so many memories here of Jacob and I. I need to let go of those memories. Let go of the past. I know people won't understand that because yes, Jacob lives in California but it isn't about him anymore. It's about me.

Sure, at this current moment, I hope things may work out someday between us but I can't say for sure that it will happen. A lot of things would need to be different on both our parts. I can't wait around for him to decide if he wants this, wants to try, or that I am worth it. In 7 months, who knows how we will both feel.

I am afraid to let go, in fear that as soon as I do, he will come back. I am not a fan of big changes and I am afraid to be without him in the long run. I need to let go of that fear and focus on myself. Focus on what I want. Focus on me.

California is a big place. Sunshine and the ocean makes me happy. I understand that this probably sounds silly to a lot of people but this is something that I need to do for myself. I have no idea what my future holds right now.. I am still young and can go anywhere, so I am going too.

I know my family won't understand at all. I am not sure how they will react when last time this was brought up, I was with Jacob. They said they would not support me at all and I would be on my own. As much as this hurts my feelings, I would still go. I don't want to regret not doing something for myself just to make them happy..

I know it is going to take a lot of hard work and preparation on my part to get everything set to move. There are so many unknown factors and part of me is scared to move there. Scared to be totally on my own but I am not going to let the fear stop me any longer..

As of now, I have a general idea of where I want to live but that is about all. I do not have a big budget for a place to live and I will have to find a random job until my CNA license transfers over. I have found it really challenging to find a school over the internet as their processes are a lot different than Iowa's, so I am planning on finding a school after I have moved.

This situation isn't ideal. A few months ago, I had the next year of my life planned out and then everything crumbled. I would love to get into a school right away but I'm trying not to stress out about the little things.

I am going to put myself out there, alone, and leave my future up to God. He has a plan for me and I have to stop trying to control it myself and put it in his hands...That is so much easier said than done, but I am really going to start trying. What is meant to be, will be.

"Worrying does not empty tomorrow of it's strength, it empties today of it's strength."

Thanks for reading... xoxox

Thursday, April 25, 2013

So What Wednesday..a day late.

So What Wednesday
So what...
...if I ate McDonald's for breakfast. I knew it was bad for me.
...if I was on a Facebook stalking rampage this a.m. You find out good information that way baha
...if I haven't ran for 4 days. The weather stinks.
...if I bought more clothes. I don't need them but they were too cute to pass up. Is it possible to have too many?!
...if I stayed out til 2 a.m. this weekend then woke up at 5 a.m. for preceptor. I can sleep when I'm dead right? ;)
...if I haven't cleaned my room in a week. I hate a messy room but I'm too tired and lazy to do it haha
...if I have been posting all kind of love quotes, depressing quotes, and get over stupid boy's my mood.
...if I started this post yesterday morning and am now just posting it haha
Sooooo what! Boy problems are for the birds!
If you're a bird, I'm a bird.

Friday, April 12, 2013

Vacation Recap

I have mixed feelings about my vacation overall. So beware of the "Negative Nancy" that is about to emerge.

Don't get me wrong...I loved being in California. I didn't love being 45 min away from the beach.

I didn't love that I saw zero cute guys. I mean none, zilch, nada. I'm a single gal, give me a break ;)

Vegas was fun. I definitely enjoyed it better last time when I got to walk on the strip and see more things. This time we went to a bar, a pool party, and a night club. Not my cup of tea. The bartenders did cool tricks but it was pricey at $20 a drink.  The pool party was full of 30+ year olds...awkward and the club was $80 a piece ($2,000 total) to sit in a tiny little booth while old men creeped on you. They charge $600 for a $20 bottle of vodka. CRAY CRAY. There was 200 people in this club and they were all nasty. Never seen so much nastiness in one place.

Headed out to the bars
A girl found out I was from Iowa at the bars and passed this to me....awkward. :/

After the Clubs, looking like a hundred bucks at 4 am ha
The table next to us was older, married men. They had new ladies at their table every 10 min doing nasty things with them....uh hello, GROSS. My future man is not going to Vegas alone without me!! haha for realzzzz.

The group we went with wanted to go to an after hours club. I didn't even know those existed....they start at 4 am and go until 8 am. Like what? People really go to those?? We thought we were on the strip and were over the clubs so we started walking back to the 4 am...alone. 2 girls alone...that should have been our first clue. Well, turns out we weren't on the strip and it was CREEPY. I'm really surprised we are still alive. I won't even go into details...if my mother knew, she would kill me.

The whole idea of going to Vegas is cool but next time, I will have a totally different trip. Different people and different agenda.

In the end, I still love the city life. I love being 5 min away from everything. I am not so crazy about the houses being so close and you can see right into the next house but I think I could deal with that. There is a certain part of California that I have visted 5 times before and I would LOVE to live there but being it's a smaller city and my ex-fiancee lives there, I think that's a bad idea :(

California was a calm, relaxing week. We walked on a couple of beaches (LOVE) and went shopping..a lot. We also went to Hollywood and walked the strip and visited the wax museum.

Had to send this to my mom right away, she loves Rocky!

Venetian Beach, CA- gross people there

Hugh and Me ;)

California special "Pazooki"- warm cookie with ice cream
In the end, I still love the city life. I love being 5 min away from everything. I am not so crazy about the houses being so close and you can see right into the next house but I think I could deal with that. There is a certain part of California that I have visted 5 times before and I would LOVE to live there but being it's a smaller city and my ex-fiancee lives there, I think that's a bad idea :(

I WILL someday move to California..It's on the top of my life goals right after getting my nursing degree :)

On another note,

Sorry it took me so stinkin' long to write this!! And I couldn't get all the pictures together so they are bad!


Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Weekend Recap

This weekend was boooooring. Snooze.

I worked all weekend at both jobs. Blah. I'm pretty sure I would weigh 5 less pounds if I didn't work at the movie theatre. Free popcorn and pop is hard to resist sometimes! haha

I did some online shopping in between work and homework. Highlight of my weekend ha

I got new flip flops and socks from Old Navy. ha. But I got cute shirts from a store called G-stage. I found this store when I was in California. They all call it the "cheap Asian store," I'm not sure why but it is cheap and cute though!! Check it out.... A lot of the stuff looks a little ghetto on the website but there are cute finds too!!

A few of the shirts, I bought..

As I went back to find these pictures, I found more things to buy...:P

Well hopefully something exciting will happen soon so I have something to post about! ;)

I know it's been a week since I have gotten back from Cali...I have half a post written so I promise I will get it up soon!!! (I officially suck at blogging!)

xoxo Hannah

Linking up with Sami: